Lily von Schtupe is a character in one of my favorite films, Blazzing Saddles.  Not long after she is introduced in the film she sings a song.  The main theme of the song is how tired she is.  I’m tired.

I have been having the hardest time wanting to get out of bed.  I have no desire to go to school-save one class.  I have little desire to clean.  I am still liking to cook and eat though.  That is nice.

Some might call that depression.  Perhaps that is accurate.  I think it might just be a culmination of desire, poor weather, lack of money, and a wavering sense of purpose, weighing more heavily upon my head.  I have not been praying as I ought.  Nor have I been singing much anymore.  There is a great deal to sing about, yet I am in no mood.  I hope that Jesus will come soon.

I will be pissed if I reach sixty years of ordination and Jesus has not come.

My laments well up in me and I fight them off.  I think that is dumb.  Why don’t we know how to handle lament anymore as a church?  Why is that not a great big part of our prayers?  Yes, Yes, we pray for Johnny to be healed.  Why not lament the fact that he still needs healing!?

I might have weak faith.  There is little doubt in me. I do have weak faith.  I am already pissed that Jesus has not come back.  I will continue on here for my wife, for my child.  I wake up each morning though asking, in my inner thoughts, “is He come?”

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