I am tired. And, I will be pissed if…

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Lily von Schtupe is a character in one of my favorite films, Blazzing Saddles.  Not long after she is introduced in the film she sings a song.  The main theme of the song is how tired she is.  I’m tired.

I have been having the hardest time wanting to get out of bed.  I have no desire to go to school-save one class.  I have little desire to clean.  I am still liking to cook and eat though.  That is nice.

Some might call that depression.  Perhaps that is accurate.  I think it might just be a culmination of desire, poor weather, lack of money, and a wavering sense of purpose, weighing more heavily upon my head.  I have not been praying as I ought.  Nor have I been singing much anymore.  There is a great deal to sing about, yet I am in no mood.  I hope that Jesus will come soon.

I will be pissed if I reach sixty years of ordination and Jesus has not come.

My laments well up in me and I fight them off.  I think that is dumb.  Why don’t we know how to handle lament anymore as a church?  Why is that not a great big part of our prayers?  Yes, Yes, we pray for Johnny to be healed.  Why not lament the fact that he still needs healing!?

I might have weak faith.  There is little doubt in me. I do have weak faith.  I am already pissed that Jesus has not come back.  I will continue on here for my wife, for my child.  I wake up each morning though asking, in my inner thoughts, “is He come?”

The Pastor as “I” and how that can be a problem.

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I was speaking with a woman the other evening.  She was telling me about her Christmas service experience.  The pastor wore no vestments.  She was confused.  She asked him as she was exiting the sanctuary.  She asked, “Why don’t you wear an alb?”  She reported that the pastor said, “To me an alb separates the pastor from the people, I don’t like that.”  She responded, “you are the messenger of God, you are separated from the people because you are the pastor.”  I think the pastor was a bit shocked, or the woman a bit flustered, because that is where her story ended.

I thought about that a bit and talked about it with one of my professors.  We agree that self imposed values upon the pastoral office are a big problem.  It seems like some pastors, or congregations, have a set of values they feel, or agree upon intellectually, are how they should operate and be active.  I think this is crippling because these values usually are rather baseless.  We have pastors saying, “I feel missions are important,” or “I believe being confessional is the utmost importance.”  Both statements being true which will you choose?  This becomes the source of our church problem.  You either align your ministry and parish with one set of values or another.  Problematic is perhaps too weak of a word.

I have no answer as to how we might address the issue as a church.  But, I think talking about it as a church would be a start to an answer.  Having a synod convention that addresses and tries to hammer out something theological like this might be worth while.  And, since I am going to get to go to the next convention (hopefully) I like the sound of that kind of discussion.

Fatherhood: The New Vocation

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I do not know if fatherhood will lead me to post more or less?  Will I have more to think about or less?  No doubt my thoughts will most likely lean toward matters familial.

Praise be to God for the blessing of this child!  We will be: receiving a call/placement, moving, renting/buying  home, and having a child all within 60 days of one-thing-and-another.

I am tempted to ask for advice.  However, that assumes that your child, wife, pregnancy, and self are similar in some way to what we will experience here.  And, that might be true.  But, I also do not want to make that assumption.  So, if you have any advice, wisdom, or words that you found a comfort or jolt please share them.

This journey will be fun.  What mystery awaits?!  A new vocation indeed!

We are calling it Bean.  It is 11 weeks old this week, going on 12.  What an amazing creation our God has put together for us, and let us be a part of and participate in!  I am dumbfounded, daily, over the amount of change that takes place within my wife, and within our lives.  Prayer and devotion, singing and speaking have all become of utmost importance.  Thanks be to God again for His great work in us.